Does a Child Get to Choose Their Custodial Parent in Minnesota?
In the middle of a custody dispute, it’s not uncommon for parents to wonder: can our child choose which parent to live with? Many assume that once a child reaches a certain age, they can legally decide where they want to stay. While a child’s opinion matters in Minnesota family court, it’s not the final word.
At Martine Law, we understand how sensitive custody battles can be. In this blog, we break down how child preference fits into the broader custody decision, what the courts consider, and how parents can navigate this complex part of family law.
The “Best Interests of the Child” Standard
Minnesota courts do not make custody decisions based solely on what the child wants. Instead, they use a legal guideline known as the “best interests of the child” standard. Under Minnesota Statute § 518.17, judges are required to consider 12 factors when determining custody.
These include:
- The child’s physical, emotional, and developmental needs
- Each parent’s capacity to meet those needs
- The nature of the relationship between each parent and the child
- Any history of domestic abuse
- The child’s adjustment to home, school, and community
- The mental and physical health of all parties involved
And yes—one of the factors is the child’s preference, if the court finds the child to be of “sufficient age and maturity.”
Is There a Specific Age When a Child Can Choose?
There is no set age in Minnesota law where a child can legally decide which parent to live with. However, the court is more likely to consider the opinion of a child who is older and demonstrates maturity.
Typically:
- Children 12 and older may have their preferences weighed more heavily
- Teenagers closer to 16 or 17 are often given greater consideration
- Children under 10 rarely have their preferences considered unless the situation is extreme
The final decision is always up to the judge, and the child’s wishes are just one factor among many.
How Does the Court Hear a Child’s Preference?
A judge won’t simply ask the child in open court, nor will they typically allow either parent to pressure the child into expressing a preference. Instead, the process is designed to protect the child’s emotional well-being and privacy.
Common methods include:
- Guardian ad Litem (GAL): A court-appointed advocate who interviews the child and reports to the court
- Custody evaluator: A neutral expert who assesses the family and includes the child’s wishes in their report
- In-chambers interview: A private discussion between the judge and the child, often without parents or attorneys present
This allows the court to understand the child’s true feelings in a safe and non-coercive environment.
For more on the role of Guardians ad Litem, visit mncourts.gov.
What If Parents Disagree About the Child’s Preference?
It’s common for each parent to believe the child prefers them. In contested cases, this disagreement can make the situation more tense. If both sides present different accounts, the court will likely seek an outside evaluator or appoint a GAL to gather more reliable insight.
Do not try to coach or pressure your child into choosing you. Doing so can backfire and lead to negative consequences in court. The judge may view this behavior as manipulation, which could hurt your chances of obtaining custody.
Situations Where a Child’s Preference Is Less Relevant
While the court wants to hear from the child when appropriate, there are certain situations where the child’s preference may carry less weight or even be disregarded:
- One parent is influencing the child’s opinion
If a judge believes the child is being pressured, coached, or manipulated, they may discount their preference entirely. - The child prefers the “fun” parent
A preference based on looser rules, fewer responsibilities, or indulgent behavior will not be enough to sway the court. - There’s concern about safety or abuse
If the preferred parent has a history of abuse, neglect, or substance use, the court will prioritize the child’s safety over preference. - The child lacks maturity
Young children or those with limited understanding of the situation may not be seen as capable of making an informed decision.
Joint Custody and Parenting Time
Minnesota courts encourage shared parenting responsibilities whenever it is in the best interests of the child. Even if a child expresses a preference for one parent, the court may still award joint legal or physical custody, or arrange a parenting time schedule that ensures regular contact with both parents.
In some cases, the court might structure custody to:
- Alternate weeks between households
- Split holidays and school breaks
- Provide more parenting time to the preferred parent without awarding sole custody
The key goal is stability and consistency, not catering to short-term wishes.
To learn more about parenting time arrangements in Minnesota, see the MN Judicial Branch resources.
What Happens as the Child Gets Older?
Custody arrangements can be modified as circumstances change. If a child is under 18 but nearing adulthood, their preferences may hold more weight. If your child strongly wants to live with one parent, and this aligns with their best interests, you can file a motion to modify custody with the court.
Under Minnesota law, custody modifications are allowed if:
- There has been a significant change in circumstances
- The change would serve the child’s best interests
- The proposed modification benefits the child’s well-being
To make any changes, it’s crucial to work with a family law attorney who understands the legal thresholds and can present a strong case.
How Martine Law Can Help
At Martine Law, we know that custody disputes involving children’s preferences are emotionally charged and legally complex. We help you navigate these cases with clarity and compassion.
Our team can:
- Evaluate whether your child’s preference is likely to influence the court
- Request a Guardian ad Litem or custody evaluator
- Prepare and present compelling evidence supporting your custody case
- Represent you in court with sensitivity and strength
Whether you’re pursuing primary custody or seeking a fair parenting time arrangement, we can help protect your parental rights and your child’s best interests.
Contact us today to schedule a consultation.