When parents separate, one of the most important questions becomes how to raise children after divorce or separation. While many families aim for cooperative co-parenting, that’s not always realistic—especially in high-conflict situations.
In Minnesota, another approach known as parallel parenting can provide structure and stability when cooperation isn’t possible.
This blog explains the difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting in Minnesota custody cases, when each model works best, and how courts view these arrangements when determining the best interests of the child
How custody and parenting arrangements work in Minnesota
Under Minnesota Statutes § 518.17, custody decisions are based on the best interests of the child. The court evaluates several factors, including each parent’s relationship with the child, ability to cooperate, communication skills, and the child’s needs.
There are two main types of custody:
- Legal custody: The right to make major decisions about the child’s education, health care, and religion.
- Physical custody: The right to make day-to-day decisions and determine where the child lives.
While parents often share both legal and physical custody, how they manage their ongoing interactions can look very different depending on whether they choose co-parenting or parallel parenting.
Learn more about how custody works under Minnesota law on Martine Law’s child custody page.
What is co-parenting?
Co-parenting is the preferred model when parents can communicate effectively and prioritize their child’s needs over conflict. It focuses on collaboration and shared decision-making.
Key features of co-parenting:
- Regular, respectful communication between parents.
- Shared input on important decisions (school, healthcare, discipline).
- Flexibility to accommodate each other’s schedules.
- Consistent rules, routines, and expectations across both households.
- Joint attendance at events like parent-teacher conferences or sports.
Co-parenting works best when both parents:
- Trust each other’s parenting ability.
- Can discuss issues calmly.
- Are committed to fostering the child’s relationship with both parents.
Minnesota courts often favor cooperative co-parenting because it tends to reduce conflict and support a child’s emotional stability. However, it isn’t the right fit for every family. Contact a lawyer today.
What is parallel parenting?
Parallel parenting is designed for parents who cannot communicate or cooperate without conflict. Instead of frequent coordination, each parent takes responsibility for the child independently during their parenting time.
The goal is to minimize direct contact while still ensuring both parents stay involved in their child’s life.
Key features of parallel parenting:
- Minimal communication — usually through email or court-approved apps like OurFamilyWizard.
- Strict boundaries to prevent arguments or manipulation.
- Detailed parenting plan outlining exact times, exchanges, and responsibilities.
- Independent decision-making for day-to-day matters during each parent’s time.
- Neutral third parties (such as parenting consultants or mediators) may help resolve disputes.
Parallel parenting can be especially effective when there’s a history of domestic abuse, emotional conflict, or high distrust between parents. It protects children from ongoing tension and helps each parent maintain their bond separately.
To better understand options for high-conflict custody cases, visit Martine Law’s Minnesota family law page.
When Minnesota courts consider parallel parenting
Minnesota judges recognize that not every co-parenting relationship is functional. When communication repeatedly leads to conflict, courts may encourage or order parallel parenting arrangements to protect the child’s emotional well-being.
Courts consider:
- The level of conflict between parents.
- Whether communication breakdowns harm the child.
- Any history of abuse, control, or harassment.
- Whether parallel parenting supports consistency and stability.
If the court finds that cooperation is unrealistic, it may still award joint legal custody but implement a parallel parenting structure with limited direct contact.
Key differences between co-parenting and parallel parenting
| Feature | Co-Parenting | Parallel Parenting |
| Communication | Frequent and collaborative | Limited and structured |
| Decision-making | Shared on most issues | Separate, except for major decisions |
| Conflict level | Low to moderate | High or ongoing |
| Flexibility | More adaptable | Strict, less flexibility |
| Goal | Cooperative parenting | Reduced conflict and stability |
| Best for | Parents who can communicate and trust each other | Parents in high-conflict or abusive relationships |
How to create a parallel parenting plan in Minnesota
A parallel parenting plan must be specific and detailed to prevent confusion or conflict. The court-approved plan usually includes:
- Exact schedules for parenting time, exchanges, and holidays.
- Drop-off and pick-up rules, often at neutral or supervised locations.
- Communication methods (usually through a monitored platform).
- Decision-making guidelines for education, health, and extracurriculars.
- Conflict-resolution procedures involving a neutral professional if needed.
- Boundaries for digital communication with the child and between parents.
Having a clear, enforceable plan reduces misunderstandings and minimizes opportunities for argument.
If you’re unsure how to structure your plan, a Minnesota child custody attorney can help draft a parenting plan that fits your situation and complies with Minnesota law.
Benefits and challenges of parallel parenting
Benefits
- Protects children from ongoing conflict.
- Allows both parents to stay active in the child’s life.
- Provides emotional distance for healing after separation.
- Reduces opportunities for manipulation or control.
Challenges
- Requires strict adherence to rules and boundaries.
- Can feel isolating for parents used to joint decision-making.
- Limited flexibility in schedules and daily coordination.
- Miscommunication risks if rules aren’t clearly defined.
Despite the challenges, many families find that parallel parenting restores peace and allows children to thrive in two stable environments.
Key takeaways
- Co-parenting works best when parents can communicate and collaborate respectfully.
- Parallel parenting is designed for high-conflict situations where communication causes harm.
- Minnesota courts support both approaches, depending on what serves the best interests of the child.
- A detailed parenting plan and experienced legal guidance can make either model successful.
- Even if you and your co-parent don’t get along, you can still build a safe, stable future for your children.
If you’re navigating a difficult custody situation or need help creating a parenting plan that protects your child and your peace of mind, Martine Law can help. Our Minnesota family law attorneys understand the complexities of co-parenting and parallel parenting and can guide you toward a practical, lasting solution.
Contact Martine Law today for a confidential consultation.