Marriage is often described as a lifelong commitment between two people who love each other. However, the unfortunate reality is that many marriages fall by the wayside and end in divorce. While every marriage goes through ups and downs, there are some clear warning signs that a marriage is dying.
Recognizing these signs early and taking action to address underlying issues can potentially save a marriage. This article will help you understand the stages a dying marriage in Minnesota typically goes through, the major signs to look out for, and steps you can take to try to revive your marriage before it’s too late.
Defining a Dying Marriage: 4 Major Signs
There’s no single definition for a dying marriage, since every relationship breakdown is unique. However, these are 4 of the most common signs that your marriage is in trouble:
- You’re unhappy. At some point, one or both partners realize they are simply not happy in the marriage anymore. The relationship feels unhealthy.
- Lack of communication. You and your spouse rarely talk anymore. Communication is negative when it does happen.
- No intimacy. Emotional and physical intimacy has faded in your marriage. You and your spouse feel detached.
- Living separate lives. You and your partner are like strangers. You don’t share meals, sleep together, or show interest in each other’s lives.
If this sounds familiar, your marriage may be approaching its final stages. But don’t give up hope yet! Many marriages can be revived, even from the brink of divorce.
Understanding the stages a dying marriage goes through is the first step to saving yours.
The 9 Stages of a Dying Marriage
Most dying marriages in Minnesota go through similar stages, though the order may vary. Being aware of these stages can help identify where your marriage is in the process and determine if it can be revived.
Stage 1: Disillusionment
The first stage of a dying marriage is often disillusionment. In the beginning of a marriage, everything seems wonderful and your partner can do no wrong. As time goes by, the little annoyances and imperfections in your spouse begin to add up.
Major signs of this stage include:
- One or both partners start to feel disillusioned with the marriage.
- You may start to feel like your partner isn’t who you thought they were.
- The little things they do begin to bother you more and more.
This disillusionment signals the beginning of the end, often leading to increased unhappiness and lack of communication in the relationship.
Stage 2: Unhappiness
As disillusionment turns into unhappiness, one or both partners may start to feel generally dissatisfied with the state of the marriage. Communication breaks down, partners stop making an effort for each other, and quality time together falls by the wayside.
Signs of this stage include:
- A feeling of general unhappiness with the relationship.
- Lack of communication between partners.
- Partners stop making an effort for each other.
If this unhappiness continues to grow, it often leads to feelings of anger and resentment within the marriage.
Stage 3: Anger and Resentment
As communication breaks down and unhappiness festers, feelings of anger and resentment often start to take hold in one or both partners. You may start fighting about little things and blaming your partner for your unhappiness. Resentment continues building if issues go unresolved.
Signs of this stage are:
- Increased fighting and arguments.
- Blame and criticism directed at your partner.
- Building resentment within the marriage.
This negativity and fighting leads to emotional distance between partners in the next stage.
Stage 4: Emotional Distance
Once constant fighting and blame take over a marriage, one or both partners will start to check out emotionally. This creates distance between spouses and a lack of closeness or intimacy. Partners begin living separate lives.
Some clear signs are:
- Partners withdrawing from each other emotionally.
- Lack of physical and emotional intimacy.
- Spouses begin living separate lives.
This emotional separation often leads to one partner considering an affair or divorce as a way out.
Stage 5: Infidelity or Separation
With the previous stage’s distance comes the increased likelihood that one partner will either engage in an affair or separate from their spouse. This is an attempt to fill the emotional void that’s developed within the marriage.
Signs of this critical stage are:
- One partner has an affair.
- Partners separate or take a break from each other.
- Discussions of divorce begin.
Infidelity or separation often cause the next stages of extreme hostility between spouses.
Stage 6: Hostility
Once separations or affairs come out in the open, feelings of hostility often arise between partners. Hurt and betrayal lead to lashing out, heated arguments, and partners treating each other with disgust or hatred.
Some clear signs are:
- Extreme bitterness and hostility between partners.
- Hurtful arguments full of shouting and blame.
- Partners treat each other with disgust or hatred.
This hostility feeds into the next stage of detachment from the marriage.
Stage 7: Detachment
With all the hurt, betrayal, and nastiness, one or both partners begin to emotionally detach themselves from the marriage entirely. When you reach this stage, there is very little hope left for reconciliation.
Some signs are:
- Partners become emotionally detached.
- Spouses begin to accept that the marriage is ending.
- Discussions move towards how assets will be divided.
This leads into the final stage of preparation for divorce.
Stage 8: Preparation for Divorce
Though the marriage has been dying for some time, the final stage involves concrete steps towards making the split official and permanent. Legal and financial preparations signal that divorce proceedings are imminent.
Signs of this stage are:
- Partners contact divorce attorneys.
- Discussions focus on separation of assets.
- The logistics of how to tell family/friends are considered.
If no effort is made to improve the relationship, divorce papers will be filed ending the marriage.
Stage 9: Divorce is Finalized
In the final stage, the spouses formally divorce, dissolving all legal bonds between them. This marks the official end of a dying marriage. Though emotionally devastating, this provides closure and the ability to move on.
The signs are clear:
- Divorce papers are filed with the court.
- The marriage is legally dissolved.
- Spouses go their separate ways.
Though the above stages show a common ending for many marriages, it’s still possible to recognize the signs early on and get help to turn things around. Don’t wait until the later stages of a dying marriage to take action. Seek counseling or make efforts to improve communication and connection with your partner before it’s too late.
Major Signs Your Marriage is Dying
Here are some major red flags that indicate your marriage may be in serious trouble in Minnesota:
- You rarely spend quality time together or share activities
- Most communication with your partner feels forced or involves criticism
- You actively avoid intimacy with your partner, both emotional and physical
- You feel lonely, disconnected, and unhappy more often than not
- You start fantasizing about a new relationship or future without your spouse
- Thinking about being together long-term feels like an unhappy burden
- You start regularly mentioning separation or divorce
If several of these apply to your marriage, it indicates your relationship has become unhealthy and may be approaching its end stages unless you are both willing to work to revive it.
How to Revive a Dying Marriage
Rebuilding an ailing marriage in Minnesota takes effort from both partners. Here are some steps you can take to try to breathe new life into a dying marriage:
- Seek counseling: An experienced marriage counselor can help you identify issues and teach skills for better communication. They can also guide you through the process in a constructive manner.
- Make time to talk: Set aside uninterrupted time to have honest discussions about each other’s feelings and the relationship’s problems. Avoid blaming and truly listen.
- Rekindle intimacy: Rebuild emotional and physical intimacy through affectionate words and actions. Compliment each other, hold hands, cuddle, give massages. Let intimacy lead to a sexual relationship again.
- Date again: Plan regular date nights romantic dinners, activities you enjoy) to rekindle the spark. Have fun, relax, and reconnect.
- Resolve conflicts: Learn to communicate calmly, identify triggers, forgive each other, and compromise on ongoing conflicts and grievances. Don’t let them fester and grow.
- Share responsibilities: Review responsibilities and divide chores/duties fairly so neither partner feels overloaded or taken for granted.
- Support each other: Show interest in your partner’s life, needs, and goals again. Provide encouragement and help when required.
- Give it time: Realize rebuilding emotional connection and trust will take time after it was lost. Be patient and don’t expect an instant turnaround.
While both partners need to be willing to put in significant effort to save a dying marriage, the steps outlined above can help revive emotional and physical intimacy, communication, understanding and respect. With time and perseverance, it may be possible to nurse the marriage back to health slowly.
However, you must also be prepared that not all marriages can be salvaged once they reach the dying stages. In that case, counseling can at least help you navigate separation or divorce in a thoughtful manner.
When Should You Call it Quits on a Dying Marriage?
At a certain point in some dying marriages, both partners realize the relationship is too far gone and can no longer be revived. For example, if your partner is unwilling to work on the marriage or engage in counseling, it may be best to call it quits. Some other signs it may be time to end the marriage:
- You’ve both tried counseling and other interventions without success
- Constant, unresolved conflict and toxicity have led to emotional abuse
- Ongoing infidelity or betrayal is present despite repeated chances
- Your partner has addiction issues they refuse to acknowledge or address
- You have grown so far apart that you no longer know or understand each other
- The thought of being with this person long-term makes you unhappy
- You have both fallen out of love and lost mutual respect
- There is domestic violence putting your safety and well-being at risk
If you have made sincere efforts to fix the issues but faced refusal and seen no change, it may be healthiest to walk away from the dying marriage. A divorce lawyer can advise you on separation and divorce to end the relationship in a lawful manner. With time, you may both be able to heal and find healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Finding Hope After a Dying Marriage
Ending a marriage is an extremely difficult and emotional process. But it does not mean you, or the marriage, have failed. Over time, the pain will subside, and you’ll regain hope for the future. There are still opportunities to find love and happiness again.
Are you going through a divorce in Minnesota? The compassionate team at Martine Law is here to support and guide you. Contact us today to schedule a case review. We can help you achieve the best possible outcome with personalized legal counsel.
